well i know it has been a week or so since i last blogged but things have been crazy here as you can tell by my previous post. I did find outhtat hubby was up to stuuf with this girl on the internet. I found the conservations on the computer. ( yes i was snooping, but he gave me reason to ) I found the conservations from three days ( the night we went out for our anniversay, our actuall anniversary, and the morning after) all of which was wither right before or after we had made love. this is why i was so pissed off at him. i actually packed up a bag for me and the kids and left. I was planning o staying out all night at a hotel, with his money of course, but the kids were hollering to much to go home so i did. But only after i made him think i was not coming back at all.

well needless to say we had it out that night and for some odd reason he admitted everything and he made me lay my heart on the line like i have never done before. I had him on his knees in tears with what i was saying. I told him i am ready to leave and never come back becaue that is what my head was telling me to do but heart was telling me to stay and work through it.

so now we are back to taking it one day at a time. he even stopped talking to this girl at least here at hime anyway. I told him right out that i do not trust him like i did before and it is going to be a long time before i can trust him completely again.

he sais he understands that now and he is very sorry for breaking the trust in me and he will do anything and everything to get it back. he even offered to wipe all his accounts off the computer and only use it for school and talk to no one but me. but i felt guilty for some reason. i mean he shoud be able to have friends but i am sooo afraid of him talking to girls on the computer even if they are friends, except for you leslie. I guess it is becasue i don't know who they are and it bothers me.

i told him point blank that by him talking hte way he did to this girl made me feel unloved, undesirable, useless, pathethic, and gullable, and that our marriage was nothing but a big joke to him.

but now things are starting to look up again. He even cuddles with me at night now and he is not on the computer late at night or early in th morning and if he is talking to someone he lets me know and he even does it in front of me so i know what they are talking about. He has not been hiding anything from me as far as i know. but i am still very leary about it all.

but i will take what i can get at this point. Irealize that builing the trust back is going to be a long and slow process but as long as we are both willing to work on it, it is worth it in the end.

thanks for staying with me all the way to the end here on this blog.