well it has been a couple of days since my last blog. I have been busy with school work. I have been working on my first 2-3 page paper and my first discussion board paper that consist of 3-4 paragraphs.

I have been trying to juggle all this on top of the kids in school and with having zach calling me each day to come over and see the boys.

it is going alright except for the fact that i feel zach thinks he can do what ever he wants here becasue my mom is not around. I am constantly yelling at him for doing things that he is not suppose to be doing and they are the same things my mom had just got done telling him about right before we left their hotel room.

and he will not leave matt alone. he follows matt around like a puppy and matt is starting to get anoyed at it. zach does this after i get done telling to please leave matt aone that he is working on school work that he needs to get in ( his first monday nigh class is only weeks long and he has a major work load to get done in a short omount of time and can not to any of it while at work even on his lunch break).

I like having him around but i just wish he would listen more and i have brouhgt this up to my mom each nght when i take him back home so i am not sure what is going to happen with it. I have to keep reminding him that the other boys are only half his age and they are way smaller than him and that he can not be SO rough with them. ( he ike to body slam them on my bed, which is only held together with two bolts since we had to saw the box spring in half to get it up the steps)

Sorry if it seems like i am complaining alot here but i am just realy confused as to what to do. i don't want zach to think i do not want him around but yet at the same time i do not want the other three to feel that they have no say in their home. today michael and philip actually told me they do not want zach to come over. they just want to spend time with daddy after he comes home from work.

thanks for listening. I am off to start me second week of school with all my papers and reading.

hope you have a great time enjoying the holiday today and the weather.

we are planning on cooking out on the gril today for dinner ( chicken and steak)

i took zachary home last night at around 9pm. as i was droppign him off i saw my dad. i was a little nervous at first but he waved to me and he even came over to the car and was talking to me a bit. he was telling me that they knew zach was with me all day and they ( him and my mom) have no problem with it. They left it up to him ( zach).

So when i went to leave i stopped byt he roomthey are staying in to see my mom ( yes leslie, i know what you are thinking, (WHAT) ). Well it turned out that i did not get home myself till about 2 am. I had michael and philip with me as well. they were playing around in the room and then thye didn;t want to leave unless i brought zach back with me.

well my mom and i were talking and i found out she has COPD and the first time she ws in the hospital she ws in a coma for 8 days. dad and her said that if she would of waited one more day she would of died. ( now i know i always said i didn't care about how she was doing and that if she dropped in front of me saying she was dying and needed my help i would just keep walking)
well i do not feel that way now. actually i am not sure how i feel. somehow i guess you could say that a lot of the anger in no longer there. not sure why but it is not.

my mom has to be on oxygen 24/7 and she can't go to many places at all. she can;t even walk over the the resturant that is like right next door. ( the friendy's ---- leslie).

i found out my dad ended up having to take a $5 paycut where he works or be out of a job completely. didn't get the whole story there as to why. Just something about he had to have surgery on his hands and couldn;t go back to the same position he was at.

so when i left zach wanted to spend the night here and my mom told him no not tonight you know i can not be here alone and since we do not know if uncle brad will be back i need you to stay here. she told him he could spend the night tomorrow night ( meaning tonight)
so michael and philip are all excited about it and matt is even ok with it. so i will have my first overnight visist with him tonight.

i know this blog is long but i just need to get this out and off my chest. so thanks for reaing it all the way to the end . I will blog more later tonight and post any updates as to this post itself.

have a good day. i am going to go get my massage now.

well just wanted to let you all know that i did not hear back from zachary as to when we are to meet if at all. but the rest of my night did go alright. i made another stop at the chiropractor for my back and hip and i go back on wed. and fri. so now i go mon, wed, and fri till further notice and get a massage once a week as well.

i should be getting my school books tomorrow so i am all excited about that. i can actually get a head start on reading the material and looking over everything. so i am going to try to get as much done around the house as possible tomorrow as well in between doctor appointements and going to the store.

the kids got to play a little in their pool for a bit today as well. we started tehm back on their routine for school as far as bedtime but it was tough going tonight but hopefully they will be better tomorrow night.

I still have a bunch of stuff to get htem for school but have not enough money to get it all right now. so michael is using his pack pack from last year once again for now. he really needs a new one but i have to wait till next friday (the 29th) to get him one. so he will have to go a week with his one from last year. just hoping it holds up. it is almost ripped through on the bottom.

well that is about it. I am going to head off to bed so i can get up early tomorrow hopefully.

hope everyone had a good day.