I am so not sure of myself right now. Tom, zachary's father, said he was going to call me today to talk about getting together to talk in person. Not necessarily just the two of us but possibily all of us with the kids. well i have not heard from him and i actually feel dissapointed like i used to when i didn;t get a call from him when we were dating.
i actually have the feeling of being letdown. It was like everytime my cell phone rang i got butterflies in the stomach hoping it was him so we could talk. I have tried to call him but all i et is his voice mail.. I left a message for him to call me so we could figure out a time, date and place to get together to talk whether it be jsut the two of us or all of us.
i am not sure how to feel. i find myself thinking of him throughout the day and then i get all freaked out. I am still sitting here hoping he calls yet tonight for some reason.
I am not sure if this is normal because we share a son and we have not spoken to each other in 6 years if not longer and just knowing that he has had contact with our son in more recent years than i did and i want to know all.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
confused
I am so confused right now not sure what to do.
My oldest son's father got in contact with me after 6 some years. He just wants to talk and exchange info on what we know aboutour son.
but the thing that has me confused is that (1) i am not sure if i should trust him not to set me up for an ambush with my mother (2) I am felling things that i do not think i should be feeling with being married but i am not sure if it is just because of the history we had shared in the past or not. (3) do i say anything to him about it at all and possibibly give him the wrong impression.
i just wish i had someone to talk to about all of this but no one really knows all the history between the two of us. we have known each other for over 20 years now and our son is now 16 years old. yes we have went our seperate ways and have new lives with other people but i still wonder about those what ifs.
am i wrong for feeling this way or is jsut because i never really said goodbye to him and had any closure with him when we split. my mom interfered SOOOOO much in our lives when we were together and she has done since we have been apart as wellto the point she tried to get him to come between my husband and i before we were even married.
we have been talking about it with each other a bit about all that my mom has done in the past and we both were wondering the same thing but yet it never went any further than just talking since we have just started talking again two days ago on the phone.
There are times when i feel so alone and one of those times is right now. he says he is coming to call me again and it is like i wait by my cell phone for it to ring. times hopeing that it is him.
i wish i could get over this butterfly in the stomach feeling when i know it is him calling me or just waiting for him to call.
not sure ehat to do and what i am to feel or how to react anymore. i am just so confused right now. NOt sure if it has anything to with the fact that hubby and I were having problems before and i am still not sure of were we are completely or what
My oldest son's father got in contact with me after 6 some years. He just wants to talk and exchange info on what we know aboutour son.
but the thing that has me confused is that (1) i am not sure if i should trust him not to set me up for an ambush with my mother (2) I am felling things that i do not think i should be feeling with being married but i am not sure if it is just because of the history we had shared in the past or not. (3) do i say anything to him about it at all and possibibly give him the wrong impression.
i just wish i had someone to talk to about all of this but no one really knows all the history between the two of us. we have known each other for over 20 years now and our son is now 16 years old. yes we have went our seperate ways and have new lives with other people but i still wonder about those what ifs.
am i wrong for feeling this way or is jsut because i never really said goodbye to him and had any closure with him when we split. my mom interfered SOOOOO much in our lives when we were together and she has done since we have been apart as wellto the point she tried to get him to come between my husband and i before we were even married.
we have been talking about it with each other a bit about all that my mom has done in the past and we both were wondering the same thing but yet it never went any further than just talking since we have just started talking again two days ago on the phone.
There are times when i feel so alone and one of those times is right now. he says he is coming to call me again and it is like i wait by my cell phone for it to ring. times hopeing that it is him.
i wish i could get over this butterfly in the stomach feeling when i know it is him calling me or just waiting for him to call.
not sure ehat to do and what i am to feel or how to react anymore. i am just so confused right now. NOt sure if it has anything to with the fact that hubby and I were having problems before and i am still not sure of were we are completely or what
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