Wednesday, August 27, 2008

i know it has been awhile since my last blog but things have been really busy here lately. I am seeing my 16 year old son again after 6 1/2 -7 years. Well i have also been talking to my mom and dad again. I took my mom to her doctor's appointment and I hae even brought her laundry home to do it as well. The good thing is that she is paying me to do it all. So on top of all my school work for my classes that started on monday. Michael and Philip started school on monday as well. Michael did really well Philip cried a bit on tuesday when i droppped him off. When i went to gp pick them up I had Zach with me and Philip was so proud of himself that he walked down the hall to the door without crying and with Michael's teacher that he had in 1st grade.

So I had a talk with my mom about zach with him always waning me to get him everyday and i told her that if I did n;t have school i'd gladly have him everyday during the day but i need to get my school work done so i can't get him everyday. but i will get him as much as i can as long as i have time to do my school work as well.

Jacob has been a little "stinker" in a sense. He warmed up to my mom and dad very fast. He even asked to go see grandpa yesterday after i dropped philip off at school.

So i can say that things are going good with me and my parents at this time and with matt and I with all the kids and school.

Hope everyone else has been doing alright and has a good week in case I do not get a chance to get in here for a couple of days. As soon as i Upload my pictures in my computer i will add a few of the kids from their first day of school.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

i took zachary home last night at around 9pm. as i was droppign him off i saw my dad. i was a little nervous at first but he waved to me and he even came over to the car and was talking to me a bit. he was telling me that they knew zach was with me all day and they ( him and my mom) have no problem with it. They left it up to him ( zach).

So when i went to leave i stopped byt he roomthey are staying in to see my mom ( yes leslie, i know what you are thinking, (WHAT) ). Well it turned out that i did not get home myself till about 2 am. I had michael and philip with me as well. they were playing around in the room and then thye didn;t want to leave unless i brought zach back with me.

well my mom and i were talking and i found out she has COPD and the first time she ws in the hospital she ws in a coma for 8 days. dad and her said that if she would of waited one more day she would of died. ( now i know i always said i didn't care about how she was doing and that if she dropped in front of me saying she was dying and needed my help i would just keep walking)
well i do not feel that way now. actually i am not sure how i feel. somehow i guess you could say that a lot of the anger in no longer there. not sure why but it is not.

my mom has to be on oxygen 24/7 and she can't go to many places at all. she can;t even walk over the the resturant that is like right next door. ( the friendy's ---- leslie).

i found out my dad ended up having to take a $5 paycut where he works or be out of a job completely. didn't get the whole story there as to why. Just something about he had to have surgery on his hands and couldn;t go back to the same position he was at.

so when i left zach wanted to spend the night here and my mom told him no not tonight you know i can not be here alone and since we do not know if uncle brad will be back i need you to stay here. she told him he could spend the night tomorrow night ( meaning tonight)
so michael and philip are all excited about it and matt is even ok with it. so i will have my first overnight visist with him tonight.

i know this blog is long but i just need to get this out and off my chest. so thanks for reaing it all the way to the end . I will blog more later tonight and post any updates as to this post itself.

have a good day. i am going to go get my massage now.

Friday, August 22, 2008

today i was a little early and got some things done before i headed out hte door to the store to pick up a few things. While iwas out zachary called me to come pick him up so he could come over for a visit again. that was about 12:30 and he is still now at 8:30. told me he doesn't have to be "home" till 9:30.

I just have a alot of thoughts running through my head. Like how can he call a hotel room home. i know he has been living there for about a year or so now but still. I mean all he eats is Tv dinners or anything that you can make in a microwave. or he said he eats at friendy's once in awhile.

So we had hot dogs and hamburgers with french fries for dinner tonight. he wants to come over tomorrow as well. I mean i have no problem with him coming over but i do have school work i would like to start on before the first official day sinc emy classes are only 5 weeks long. I do not really want to sit here and do it while he is here visiting and make him feel like i am ingorning him and that i do not want to spend time with him or talk to him.

i know the boys like spending time with him expecially Michael. Michael asked when he could spend the night already and i told him we had to take it slow.

he is actually getting along wiht matt very well as of now. There is just one little thing that bothers me wiht him and that is he has a tendency to yell when he talks. He talks really loud for some reason. but i guess i can try to get him to tone it down a bit at least while he is here anyway. ( i'll just have to keep on him to tone it done a bit)

I figures i'd post now so that way when i get back from taking him "home" i can maybe sit down and read a bit of my school book since i have three chapters to read and a discussion question to answer that has to be 3-4 paragraphs and a 3-4 page paper to write all due by next sunday at midnight. ( like i have to tell you leslie) .

At least when school starts on monday i will have plenty of time to read and do my work. Since the boys will be in school i already told zachary that i will not be able to get him during the day for a while just till i get the hang of this schooling thing again.

well i hope you all have a good night

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Visit wth Zachary

Today i had a really enjoyable day. I had spent the majority of the day with Zachary. I met him at the park at 1pm and he actually came back here to the house with me and the boys. Michael was so excited that zachary remembered him and played with him. Philip was great with him as well and jacob took some time to warm up to him. but once they all got to know each other very well they all got along very well. I even took pictures of them all together.



I finally took him back "home" about 8 pm. he ate dinner here with us. He surprised me by asking to stay here to see matt when he got home from work. they all played some video games. He even asked when he could come over again and play with his brothers.



he even called me mom and gave me a hug when he left.



i am at a lost for words on that one and not sure what to make out of all of this. he told me that he does not really care what ny mom says about him talking to me and seeing his brothers.



so i am not sure what to think at this point i just do not want to see the boys get hurt. they really loved having him around today i think. they all wanted to go with me to take him "home"

but i only took michael and philip wiht me. so when i got home jacob asked me where Zachary was.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

ok so I heard back from zachary but i didn;t get to read is message till about an hour ago and he had said about meeting him tonight in about 45 minutes from the time he posted my message, which was around 7pm. i had already left the house to go to my MRI. I didn't get to read his message till about 8:15. so i messaged him back saying why i didn;t meet him tonight but am looking forward to seeing him tomorrow at around 1pm.

My MRI went fairly well i still do not know the results of it yet. I have to drop the disk off at the doctors tomorrow for them to view. so i most likey wont know anything till friday night when i go back for my appointment.

I have my massage on saturday morning as well. I came home form my MRI and joined in a live chat for my school. It was nice to get familiar with things ahead of time and meet some other people in my bus 105 class.

I had a good night so i hope you all have had a good night as well.
I just wanted to stop in and let everyone know that i have heard back from zachary and he definately wants to meet me and the 3 boys when ever i am available. His only request was that matt not be there at first. I can understand and respect that.

I am however a little nervous about meeting him but i did pick a place that is not far from where matt works in case anything happens and i need him to show up ASAP. ( like my mom being there and starting something major)

I had suggested tomorrow at around 1pm at the park he had mentioned in his first message to me. So i am waiting on a reply back from that.

I know michael is excited to meet him once again. we do have some pictures of zachary in the house but they are from when michael was only about 6-7 months old and zachary was holding im in the pictures. so when michael sees them as asks who that is in the picture i have always told him it is his brother zachary. so he is very excited to see him once again.

i am just hoping that i am not setting my self up for a big ambush on my part with my mom, dad and my brother for some reason. but it is a chance i am willing to take. if anything seems suspicious and feels out of sinc i can always get the kids back in the car and leave.

so i will let you all know if i hear back from him.

I also have my MRI tonight in about 2 1/2 hours so i will update you on that as to what i find out about it tonight if anything.

hope you are all having a good day.


I have also added a section to my blog on what books i am currently studying/reading for school as i have gotten my first set of books, which happens to be an e-book for now. I am hoping ot actually get a copy of the book and it will only cost me $50 and I will have it two days (shipping days) after i pay for it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Today I had an intake appointment for Philip at Kidspeace outpatient about him not sleeping right at night and his outburst with his temper. He was daignosed with Disrubtive behavior disorder before and we have done the wrap around services which incluse a behavior specialist, mobile therapist, and a theraputic staff specialist. so now we are going to look at medication to help go with that. he gets so frustrated so easily and wehn things get really bad he breaks his own toys and really gets agressive with us all. I want ot stop it before Jacob starts in with it as a learned behavior and since philip is starting kindergarten i am getting concerned since he has to have things right away wehn he askes for something or else he go into a raging fit.

During the intake michael acted up so bad the director had to come and take him out of the roomjsut so i could answer the questions. i ended up there over an hour and a half. After the intake was over i went by the park where zachary had said he goes but he was not there and i still have not heard back from him as to when he wants to meet if he still does.

After I cam home from all that I logged into my school and started going over all my school stuff. I got my book today which happens to be an e-book so it is all online. I actually printed out a chapter or two to start with soi can take it with me in the car when the kids start school.
I then had my open house at 8pm tonight. so matt made dinner and kept the kids quiet for me which shocked me. i was expecting the kids to run around and being loud while it ws going on and they weren't.

I actually met someone in my class that is not that far from me. so we had exchanged emails and cell phone numbers. the funny thing is that her name is JODI. so we re hoping that we end up in the same group for our group project.

so that was my day. Tomorrow i have a chiropractor appointment in the morning and my MRI at 7pm so depending on how i am afterwards i will blog about how it went.

well i hope you all had a good day and a good night.

Monday, August 18, 2008

well just wanted to let you all know that i did not hear back from zachary as to when we are to meet if at all. but the rest of my night did go alright. i made another stop at the chiropractor for my back and hip and i go back on wed. and fri. so now i go mon, wed, and fri till further notice and get a massage once a week as well.

i should be getting my school books tomorrow so i am all excited about that. i can actually get a head start on reading the material and looking over everything. so i am going to try to get as much done around the house as possible tomorrow as well in between doctor appointements and going to the store.

the kids got to play a little in their pool for a bit today as well. we started tehm back on their routine for school as far as bedtime but it was tough going tonight but hopefully they will be better tomorrow night.

I still have a bunch of stuff to get htem for school but have not enough money to get it all right now. so michael is using his pack pack from last year once again for now. he really needs a new one but i have to wait till next friday (the 29th) to get him one. so he will have to go a week with his one from last year. just hoping it holds up. it is almost ripped through on the bottom.

well that is about it. I am going to head off to bed so i can get up early tomorrow hopefully.

hope everyone had a good day.

getting surprised

well i just got a surprise or a shock you could say. I got a message from my 16 year old son on my myspace page earlier today. I have not spoke to him in almost 7 years and i have not seen him since then either. It is quite a long story as to why but some you already know the whole story.
For those of you who do not i will summarize it. i had zachary when i was 18 going 0n 19 and i lived with my parents and was not with his father at the time. We had split up when i was about 3 months pregnant and ried to get back together later down the road. ( he is the one i have talked about in my very first couple of posts).

Well when zachary was three i had decided to go to college, with my mom's help i got in to the community college here by where i live. I had decided to go full time and live on campus but i could not have him with me and i had felt like he was my litle brother more than anything. always having to ask to do things with him and take him anywhere wiht me, even for a walk around the block.

so when things came to go to court, at the time there were to be no laywers involved only to find out when i got to court my parents had a laywer. I ended up with no visitation and no rights.

well I have tried to work things out with my mom many times and the lsat time was when michael was born 7 1/2 years ago. well that worked for about a year and then it came down to her wanting me to take michael and leave matthew, my husband to live back at home with her and zachary. and when i had said no she told me i was not allowed to see, write, or call zachary anymore. not even as much as send him a cad inthe mail or she would press harassmant charges against me , at the time i had no lawyer as to the fact my inlaws and i were not getting along.
so that is when i had to start paying support even though i have no right to him.

well i have found out that my mother has full blown lung cancer and i honestly do not know how to feel. I do not feel sad or anything and part of me feels ashamed for that but then i look at how she treated me and think she deserves it.

so this is my shock/ surprise for the day so far.

Zachary wants to meet me at the park near where he is living (the Red Roof Inn), yes he is living in a hotel with my parents. they still have full custody of him.

So matt and i talked a bit and decided to go ahead and tell him we would meet him there when he wants to. He is 16 years old now. so i figured he is able to make up is own mind as to what he wants. as far as seeing me and the boys, his half brothers.

i'll let you know how it goes if and when we meet up tonight.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

well my weekend was a good one.

We went to the drive-in movies last night with the kids and saw star wars: the clone wars and the dark night. we didn;t get home till almost 2am. The kids had a blast. they actually met a few kids and were playing around till the movie started. Once the movie started they sat outside on a blanket with the other kids for just the whole movie (star wars) and then came in the car for the second movie. we had the back seats lay down flat so they were able to fall asleep in the car while matt and i watched the second movie ( the dark night). we had a great time and dcided to do it again wiht the kids as a treat to them. and maybe even over the summer next year we might be able to take them a couple of times if they behave.

I enjoyed the movies but got cold. I made the mistake of wearing a tanktop not thinking it was going to get as cold as it did. The windows frosted over on the inside since we had the hatch back open. (just the glass part).

today we went and did a couple of errands that we put off yesterday so we could do stuff around the house and have an early dinner so we could get to the drive in early and get a good spot.

I am sore today though but i think it is mostly from doing things outside yesterday. we cleaned out hte kids pool and the vaccumed out hte car and stuff and i think i over did it. sitting in the car for how many hours watching not one but two movies didn;t help either.

so now i am in pain but oh well. I have to call about the getting my MRI done tomorrow and take the kids back to the doctors to get their TB shot checked.

So now i am ready to head to bed so i can have a fresh start tomorrow and hopefully get up early since i am still tired from getting in late last night or very early this morning how ever you want to lok at it. I got up ealry you could say for not going to bed till almost 2:30 am i was up at about 9am.

so i hope you all had a good weekend and enjoyed yourself.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Well i made all my appointments yesterday and actually had a few minutes to spare. So i was able to catch my breath and relax a bit.

Jacob and Philip had a good DR. visit. Jacob ended up getting 7 shots and philip got 6 shots. I have to take them back on monday to get thier TB shot checked. They are growing just fine. The doctor actually said that Jacob is advanced in his talking than most two year olds. but then again he has two older brothers that he is around the majority of the time. He jsut starting really talking since school got out over the summer so he is doing really well with it. He is able to talk in full sentences more than the other two did at that age.

My school orientation went very well and I am all set to start my classes on the 25th. I have open house on the 19th I believe it is. SO i will try to do that. It is online as well and i am hoping the kids cooperate enought to let me do it since it is at night.

I had wanted to post all this last night but my internet was down and i gave up trying to get it to go through and went to bed and i was busy again today and for got to post this morning.

so this is a double post you could say.

AS for today I ended up getting up fairly early but not as early as I had wanted to. I cleaned up my room and then straightened up the kitchen and the kids room a bit. I had left to go get DH'S paycheck and go to the bank and get gas and stop at teh store. We went out to lunch after getting his checked cashed as a family. It was nice to have lunch for once with him. After Dh came home I went to my chiropractor appointment and the doctor said they are definatly sending me for an MRI becasuse she did not like the lump on my the back of my upper hip area and wants me to get it checked out. After the adjustment I had my massage. It was nice to get one but it did hurt a bit when she got to my hip and leg that were bothering me. It took a little longer tonight than it normally does because the doctor had pulled the massage person to the side and told her to really work my hip area.

So now i go for a massage every week, mostly they are on saturday mornings now since they have no nights opened up and i can't do during the day even with the two older ones in school becasue I still have jacob with me. but it give Dh some time with the kids on his own in the morning by himself. and i still get a little relaxing time to myself. ( i get pampered for about an hour)

well i hope everyone has a great weekend. I will try to post over the weekend. We are treating the kids to a movie at the drive ins tomorrow night for the first time so i am hoping they will be good throught the whole thing.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

well today was a fairly busy day for me at least in the morning. I went grocery shopping wiht all three boys. i was surprised that they were actually very well behaved for once.

After i got back and put all the food away i was able to relax a bit and catch my breath for awhile.



then i took the boys outside to play for a bit till dh got home. when he got home i went to the chiropractor again and found out i need to go get a MRI and get my thyriod checked again. so i have a feeling that my pain in my left hip and knee might be more serious then i was first led to believe. so i won't find out till after friday.


After the chiropractor appointment DH and I went to the hall i rented for the fair to take some measurements and to see how may tablws they had and if they would fit the way we wanted toset them up. Come to find out that we were 7 tables short at the moment so we came home and i called the lady in charge of renting the hall and found out that they had 4 more in the kitchen. DH and I did not think to check the kitchen fo the tables so now we are only 3 tables short.

So i am going to try to call the rental place tomorrow to see if we can rent 3 tabled from them and how much it would be. Along with having to take two of the boys to the dr's for shots and a checkup and then i have to drop stuff off at one friends house and pick up something from another friends house after going to the bank. then i have to pay a bill and then get home for school orientation for myself.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

well today was a good day for me as far as my back and my hip went. I guess getting to the chiropractor last night helped a bit. I guess it didn;t hurt that i took a muscle relaxer last night before i went to bed as well. that is probably why i got up a little later than normal once again. they seem to knock my butt out.

I got to visit with my "sister" today for a bit and we had fun. I really wish we could get together more than we do but with all the kids and the gas prices. traveling back and forth to each others house, even thought we are not that far from each other, is a bit hard now a days.

I had to take michael to the Dr's today for his med check for his ADHD and he is doing really well on his med. so they gave me another months supply, actually a prescription for it and i hae to get it filled yet. but that is what tomorrow is for.

as for tomorrow i have to go grocery shopping and straighten up the house. and the rest of the week is just as busy with another visit to the doctor for jacob and philip for thier shots and school physical and i have my school orientation and paying bills as well a finishing up laundry again. not to mention two more trips to the chiropractors for adjustments andthen a massage but that is right after i get an adjustment so i do not have to leave and go back again.


then hopefully i can relax over the weekend once again and finish my book that i am not even half way through yet and was hoping to have finished reading by the time my classes start but i should be able to do it.

Monday, August 11, 2008

UPDATE

first of all let me start by saying i know it has been awhile since my last post and i am sorry. things have been hetic around here with trying to get my avon account figured out and all. I have been busy trying to get the house in order for when school starts. cleaning out the closets with unwanted clothes and clothes that do not fit anymore for all the three boys as well as DH and myself.

I somewhat have my avon account figured out it will just take about 6-8 weeks to be officially back in orderso until that time i need to talk to my aunt about having an account in her name so i can get stuff i need for the vender's fair in NOV.

We have also decided to a fair in the spring/ summer next year as well as the fall/ winter one that i do each year. so now i will be doing two a year. so hopefully things will start to pick up again for me in that area.

on the flip side. we have all been doing well here. I am still going to the chiropractor for my sciatica nerve and my back. all from the accident i was in back in june. my back and hip area have been really bothering that in fact i was more or less Bed ridden all of yesterday. I was stuck on the couch all day and the pain was so bad i had to break down and takw a muscle relaxer, which put me to sleep for a good part of the day, even though i didn't really want to.

the kids are getting anxoius to go back to school or in philip's case to start school. I still have a bunch to get them for school yet but it is jsut the school suplies like folders, pencils, and notebooks, all of which i think i still have left overs from last year. so it is just a matter of going through what i have here and seeing what we still need.

well that is about all that has been going on here. besides the usuall house work like laundry, dishes, and regular cleaning. ( which hubby did alot of on saturday ) He even cooked me dinner tonight. what a surprise that was.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

well today was a very interesting and stressful day. I found out that my avon account is all MESSEd up again. i was submitting orders just ot have them cancelled on me without being notified. I have been waiting for an order to come in for a week now and i had to call to find out what had happened to it. So i had to call ALL my customers and explain to them what was going on. I then had to contact my upline manager and put my orders in through her. So hopefully i will get them on time now.

I also found out that Philip will be going to Kindergarden in the Afternoon starting at 12:40 and then getting done at 3:20. Needless to say i was not to happy about that, I was hoping he would go in the morning but oh well. I can still try to get my school work started before he goes to school and then work on some of it after i drop him off.

We also woke up today to find out that Jacob is running another fever again but no sign of any infections any where. so they think it is his molar coming in still in the way back. He is active as usuall and he is not clingy and cranky ( which is good).

On the postive side i have been getting up early this week so far. i am trying to get up at the same time each day this week and then going to push to get up a half hour earlier starting next week and by the third week i am hoping to up at least an hour and a half before i have to get eh kids up for school. This way i can my coffee and my email checked before they are even up and have my school stuff all set to go for the day.

well not much else has been going on here. just been trying to keep everything pretty well organized and clean so it stays that way ( keeping fingers crossed) for now on and not have to do any major cleaning all in one shot. mainly just the straightening up and normal light cleaning through out the day.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Well first let me say aorry i didn't post yesterday. I was planning on blogging before i went to bed but sleep came faster for me than expected. Guess those past two nights of not really sleeping to ggod caught up with me .

Well today I cleaned up the house a bit and then we decided to run to walmart to get a battery for our other ar so we won't be down to just one car anymore.

Yesterday hubby got paid so i wsa running around doing things after i went and picked up his check while i had the car for a bit. I had to run hubby to the bank and cash his check and then take him to get lunch. Then i had to go to my other bank and deposit the monsy so i could pay the bills after putting gas in my car ( which i got at 3.78 a gal, at Bj's ). well worth the $45 to renew my yearly membership just for the gas alone.

I came back home and left the kids play in their pool for a bit and after i went to the chiropractor for my hip again once hubby got home. ( found out i need to go for massages as well) AS soon as got back we went to go do some shopping for things we needed and stopped for a bite to eat. ( didn't feel like cooking)

Once we came home i ended up taking Jacob to lay down upstairs in our room where it was nocce and cool and ended up falling asleep with him and slept till 7:30 this morning. Upon coming downstairs and sitting on the couch i managed to fall back to sleep till about 10:30.

SO i ended up getting a later start today than i had wanted but i did get alot of things done.
and Hubby made dinner tonight all by HIMSELF.

So after dinner i have been sitting at my computer trying to get a stupid template to work for me but it will not work no matter what i type in it. IT keeps printing out wrong saying i am not within the margins. WTF it is the template from avery itself for the product i bought and it won;t work. I am getting really ticked off here.

So i am about ready to throw in the towel and try something else.

well that has been my day today.

we are hoping to go walk around Musikfest a bit tomorrow if the weather holds up.